Sunday, July 13, 2003

Hiding out

Spent the past few days away from the keyboard. There's so much going on in the community of which I'm a part and in my personal zonality (i just made that word up) that I thought it better to keep my thoughts on the downlow. I think at the moment I'm feeling emotionally detatched or disconnected. Some would say that's bad, I don't think it is. I kinda feel like I'm watching a movie. I see turmoil, emotion, missed communication, miscommunication, disrespect... everyone seems to have a role in one mess or another. I was talking to a friend yesterday and we concluded that we need a big heart circle with everyone in our community present... maybe 25 people. Personally I think folks should be naked at this heart circle. People put up too many barriers, myself included.

We freak out about relationships. Sometimes we try to own or control. I'm starting to think that the traditional model of a "romantic relationship" (or whatever you want to call it) is a failure. Actually I've thought about that off and on for eight years. I'm not sure that model is the best way of going about intimacy. I guess I'm not sure what I think of the idea or emotion called love. Hollywood would have us believe in soulmates but I don't think that is real. The modern family unit, the nuclear family, is a recent fabrication with particular purposes. It works for some people but I do not accept it as the ultimate goal or model for relationships. I think this is especially true for folks who do not intend to have children.

I wonder if we ought not develop a different mentality regarding romantic or intimate relationships. Why not have something more open with more people. I'm not talking about sex, but emotional and certain kinds of physical intimacy. Perhaps pairings which are more transient and less serious. If we love and are more intimate with more people at the same time might this not be better? If our various needs are being met by a greater pool of people, might that not be more interesting and more stable? In a way that's what our community already does (and others also) but we have weirdness with the different kinds of intimacy.

I'll leave it at that. I think it's possible and would be a good thing. I'm sure there are various social and psycological barriers that will need to be worked through but in the end... well, who knows?

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